Blog 7: The Deeper Kind of Humility

This journey I’ve been sharing with you, it hasn’t been linear. It’s been full of unexpected turns, soul-level revelations, and some incredibly hard truths I had to face about myself.

One of the biggest breakthroughs came when I reached a breaking point.

I had spent so long carrying the weight of being the helper, the supporter, the steady one, that I didn’t realize how much I had been neglecting myself. I was emotionally exhausted, spiritually dry, and relationally disconnected in some of the relationships that mattered most to me. I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t even know what needed fixing.

All I knew was I needed help.

So, I did something I’d never done before. I started seeing a therapist.

And let me tell you, it has been one of the most healing, eye-opening decisions I’ve ever made. It gave me a space where the only agenda was me. Where someone listened without judgment. Where I could finally be honest, not just about what was happening around me, but what was happening within me.

I’m going to be real with you: when I started this journey, I was emotionally immature.

I couldn’t handle the thought of rejection. I carried heavy guilt and shame for the damage I had unintentionally caused in some of the most important relationships in my life. I was quick to react, quick to justify, and slow to take responsibility, because admitting fault felt like admitting I was unworthy.

But I reached a point where I couldn’t keep going that way. It was time to own it—all of it—so that I could do something about it.

Therapy, prayer, self-reflection, Scripture, and God’s grace have all played a role in helping me grow. And now, I can say with clarity and confidence:

I’m more emotionally intelligent. I can see myself more clearly. And I’m taking responsibility for the life I’m creating. 

Because here’s the thing I’ve learned:
When I’m living on autopilot, I’m still making choices whether I realize it or not. I’m choosing to live out the beliefs I’ve been conditioned to accept. And I will continue to recreate the same results over and over again… unless I stop and examine those beliefs.

That’s the process for becoming more emotionally intelligent. It’s not allowing myself to be led by every feeling or fear. It’s being able to pause, think about what I’m feeling, take an objective view, and then make a conscious and intentional choice about how to respond.

And thus, true humility begins, not in disappearing, not in proving our worth through performance, but in owning our humanity, our need for growth, and our responsibility to live intentionally.

But it starts with knowing the truth about who we are and unfortunately, the natural thing to do when we begin to define the truth about who we are, is to look at what’s around us to see what our options are.

And here's the trap we are all at risk of falling into, especially in the world we live in today. We want to know how we measure up.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall…” has turned into:
“Mirror, mirror on Facebook, tell me how my life should look.”
“Mirror, mirror on Instagram, tell me who I am.” 

We scroll. We compare. We filter. We perform. And on any given day, we either walk away feeling like a winner or a loser, based on who had the better photo, the better story, the who got more likes.

That’s a dangerous way to discover who you are.

Because it’s fragile. It’s constantly shifting. And it will never tell you the truth.

That’s why it’s so important to build our foundation of identity and beliefs—not in comparison, but in truth.
Not through the lens of culture, but through the lens of who God is.

He doesn’t change. He doesn’t measure you against your neighbor, your coworker, or that mom on Instagram with perfect hair and perfect kids.

He calls you by name.
He created you with intention.
And for a purpose. 

That’s the deeper kind of emotional intelligence that allows us to live with humility, living rooted in God’s truth, not social approval. Knowing we will suffer and maybe even be rejected. Allowing ourselves to feel the sadness that brings and experience the brokenness of humanity, without letting it define us. It's knowing and understanding that we have the right to be seen and heard but being able to give up that right for the greater good.

It’s knowing you are wonderfully made… and still in progress.
It’s recognizing that you can feel disappointment… without losing your peace.
It’s being able to say: “I’m not perfect, but I am growing. I’m not there yet, but I’m showing up.” 

And it’s trusting that God isn’t asking for perfection. He’s asking for surrender.

So today, if you find yourself chasing identity in the scroll of comparison, or shrinking under the weight of shame, I want to gently invite you back to this:

The only mirror that tells the truth about who you are… is the one held by your Creator. 

Look there. Start there. Build from there.

Reflection Prompt:
Where are you tempted to look for validation—social media, others’ opinions, past mistakes? What would change if you looked at yourself through the lens of who God is?