Part 5: Beautifully and Wonderfully Made

If you’ve been following this journey with me, you’ve seen how God has slowly peeled back layers in my life; layers of false humility, misplaced identity, and the need to be seen through the eyes of others.

But I want to pause here and say something important:

I’m still in the process. 

I haven’t arrived. I haven’t figured it all out. I’m still learning who I am, who God is, and where I’m going. But now, I’m learning on purpose. I’m being intentional.

And one thing I know for sure?
Learning requires doing.
It requires taking chances, trying new things, and risking failure. And for me, that has always been hard.

Why? Because trying something new means I might not get it right the first time. I might mess up. I might disappoint someone. And that thought alone used to be enough to shut me down.

I’ve realized that the fear of letting people down has held me back more than I care to admit. I didn’t want to upset anyone. I didn’t want anyone to be disappointed in me. When someone was upset with me, especially someone I loved or respected, I didn’t take it well. I got defensive. I argued. I over-explained. Not because I was trying to be right, but because I was trying not to be rejected.

Because in my mind, disappointing someone meant I was failing at being who I was supposed to be.

But here’s what’s changed.

Now, as I grow in my understanding of who I am, through the lens of who God is, I’ve found a new kind of peace. A peace that doesn’t depend on everyone being happy with me.

I’m learning that it’s okay to be sad when someone is disappointed in me. That’s human. It’s okay to care.
But I can be sad and still be content. 

Because sometimes, growth requires decisions that not everyone will understand.
Sometimes, becoming the person God created me to be means choosing the uncomfortable path.
It means saying no when I used to say yes.
It means taking a risk that others might not agree with.
It means doing the thing anyway, even if it lets someone down.

But now, I can hold that tension.

I can feel the weight of someone’s disappointment without letting it define me.

I can stay grounded in the truth of Psalm 139:14.

“I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” 

That truth doesn’t promise a conflict-free life. It doesn’t mean I’ll always get it right or that everyone will cheer me on.

But it does mean that I can walk forward knowing I am loved, known, and made with intention by a God who sees the full picture, even when I don’t.

And when I see myself through His eyes, I stop striving to meet every expectation.
I stop reacting out of fear.
I stop shrinking to keep the peace.

Instead, I live from a place of steady, secure, God-given identity.

So yes, I’m still in process.
But I’m not stuck.

I’m moving forward in the messy, with intention, and grounded in grace.

Because the more I know who He is, the more I trust who I’m becoming.

Reflection Prompt:
Where has the fear of disappointing others kept you from growing? What would change if you were rooted in the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made—no matter what others think?